HAPPY BIRTHDAY, DAVID LUNCH
“Happy Birthday, David Lunch. You would have been 80.” Gerald posted on Twitter on David Lynch’s birthday.
He refuses to call it X, even though he knows it's not Twitter anymore. Alongside the post was a photograph of David Lynch wearing a birthday hat that he found by searching “David Lynch birthday hat” on Google. Gerald didn’t think twice if it was photoshopped or real and it wasn’t until someone left a comment asking if it was real that he began to question the reality of whether or not it was.
A quick Google revealed that it wasn’t David Lynch’s birthday at all, but rather the 40th anniversary release of Blue Velvet. Gerald has never seen a David Lynch film. He just wanted to get more than three likes on a post and David Lynch was popular in the wake of his recent death. Truth is, he’s never gotten more than three likes on a post and feels that his posts are worth more than three likes, so much so that he said to his mom the other day, “I wish I got more than three likes on my posts. They are worth so much more.”
The comment “is this real?” got four likes. He showed that comment to his Mom and considered lying to her and telling her that it was his, but he feels bad about lying to a woman lying in a coma.
The reason Denise was in a coma is a complicated one. It involves a misdiagnosis and a number of doctors who kept saying “I don’t know, I think she’s faking it.” After watching a well-known old Disney animated movie, Gerald tried kissing his mother to wake her up. Each time he kissed her she’d wake up and say “thank you for saving me from this coma” and immediately fall back into it.
A voice inside his head kept saying “four likes will fix the coma,” at least he thought it was inside his head. He suspected it was his mother, but her lips weren’t moving again so it couldn’t be her. She did, however, used to be a famous ventriloquist though, so anything was possible. He put his fingers in her mouth and made her lips into a smile. “Almost, Mom. Almost.” The voice in his head said “Tomorrow is Sophia Loren’s birthday.” He drafts a tweet (X.com post) and schedules it for the morning.
Anyway... Happy Birthday, Mom. You would’ve loved this story (fiction). Hope you get to read it some day whenever you permanently wake up.
All the best,
@needfourlikes
—Posted to “Living With Comatose Loved Ones” Facebook group, 0 Likes
by Tex Gresham & KKUURRTT
Tex Gresham is the author of Pop! and KKUURRTT is also the author of Pop! Pop! is forthcoming on Rejection Letters. They can be found online at @texgresham and @wwwkurtcom, but you'll have to guess which one is which.