REVIEW: GAG REFLEX
Gag Reflex
by Elle Nash
In Elle Nash’s latest novella Gag Reflex she takes the disconnected dualism of the mind-body dichotomy, accelerates it through the prism of young adult life and captures its refracted projections on the landing page of early 00’s internet culture.
Nash’s protagonist, Lucy, documents her identity crisis/quest for thinness candidly and viscerally as she attempts to come to terms with both herself and her eating disorder through the Livejournal entries which constitute the novel. Set in 2005, XxLUCYS_LIGHT_DREAMxX, as she is known online, is a fiercely intelligent high school senior who recognises the ‘heavy beauty to human existence’, and struggles to reconcile this with the ‘heaviness of body’ that she feels within herself. There is some great pressure which she feels fixes her in place. A great weight which is resistant to her will because of its sheer, monumental otherness. To Lucy this unknowable other is herself.
To a reader who has never suffered from an eating disorder, this novel is an education but also a strikingly relatable immersive experience. The many behavioural, psychological and societal factors which can contribute to the development of an eating disorder and the many complicated ways in which they can manifest take on great symbolic relevance in Gag Reflex.
“Huge thighs can’t be symbolic of everything I’ve failed at, can it?”
There are many contemplations here that can be applied to varied areas of our lives. In reference to the binge-starve cycle of behaviour, Lucy speaks self-degradingly about having ‘a mindset which perpetuates the consumer culture’. She wishes to seek a middle-way, to break the cycle of unhealthy consumption and escape ‘samsara - the cycle of death and rebirth’. She wants to find equanimity, find where beauty resides, find the root cause of suffering and cross life’s bridges without ever having to turn back.
The ingenious use of Livejournal entries takes us deep within Lucy’s psyche, as well as into the psyche of the time, and allows for extra marginalia which tell a story all of their own:- Lucy’s daily calorie counts add an extra dimension to her suffering and her current musical preferences become the soundtrack to her trauma.
Though the novella is fiction it clearly has some basis in real life as Nash has spoken about being a part of a community of people with eating disorders whilst using Livejournal around the time the story takes place. The degree to which her experience within that community informs our cast of characters will never be known and doesn’t matter. What matters is that in reading the story of Lucy you feel an understanding of her.
Literature can be cleansing but to cleanse requires a purge. The character of Lucy elects to manage the existential absurdity of the mind-body disconnect by attempting to reconcile her image of herself with that which she portrays to others. And so she purges. She purges her lunch. She purges her life. And as a result, we can all be cleansed.
Gag Reflex by Elle Nash (@saderotica)
Out now from CLASH Books
Elle Nash - Gag Reflex — CLASH BOOKS
Elle Nash is the author of Animals Eat Each Other (Dzanc Books) and Nudes (SF/LD Books). Her work appears in Guernica, BOMB, Literary Hub, New York Tyrant, and elsewhere. Nash also works as an editor, and is co-founder of the literary magazine Witch Craft Magazine